The Notebook

Seems like it always made me feel better to write here whenever I'm drowned by my own thoughts. So here I am.

I've recently realized that movies and tv shows really are just fake. I know everyone says it's just a movie, it's not real. I've said that before too. But in my heart, I believed that some of it has got to be true, that it's got to be based on something real. Well, it's not. At least not in my life.

It's an absolutely awful feeling to feel like this is it, there's nothing else. Especially when whatever this is is far from what was expected or hoped for.

P.S. Alpha passed away during the weekend of our wedding...

one direction

So what is up with a British accent? why is it so freaking sexy?

I've got to say, I am a little embarrased to proclaim my newfound-love for One Direction (especially Harry Styles), considering how young the members are and most of their fans are screaming teenage girls.

There's just something about their hair, their accents, their smiles and their voices that drives me a little crazy. I guess I am just like their typical fans. Except I'm a couple years older and I scream on the inside.

us united

It was awesome :)

Even though I ended up in the ER the night of, it was still awesome. Now...I probably wouldn't do it again because that night wasn't fun at all, plus we don't have to go to 6 Flags to reunite. If Six Flags were the only thing we can do to reunite, I'd do it again any day! (Yep! it was that worth it)

@ Six Flags Magic Mountain
I don't know why the sign looks so photoshopped, it was real.

I tried funnel cake for the first time. It's like a huge doughnut with sugar, ice cream, and caramal on it. what's not to love about that?

Tattoos on this Town

It sure left its mark on us. We sure left our mark on it. Let the world know we were here with everything we did. Laid a lot of memories down, like tattoos on this town.

This is the life I want to live. Simple life. Nothing fancy.
Being unique always seemed like a good thing. No one in the entire world is just like me. No one likes exactly the same things as I do. No one feels the same way I do. No one wants to do the same things I do. No one gets the same urges I do. No one (except my Daddy) fully understands me. There's something awfully lonely about being unique.

I am very blessed to have moved around so much. To have experienced so many different things. To have met so many different people. To have went through so many different phases in life. I've always thought I liked it this way. 2 years at a time. 2 years seemed like perfect time periods. I get close enough with my friends to really call them friends, to have built wonderful memories with them. But I'd have moved when things started getting complicated. Perfect timing! that's what I always thought...I have none of those "forever" friends. None whom I grew up with. None whom I had a big fight with. None whom I was tight with for more than 3 years. None who understood me in the different phases. There's something awfully lonely about moving around so much.

I've always wanted to grow up fast. I still do. In every stage in life, I wanted to rush to the next stage. I still do. Grass on the other side is always greener. The next and the previous stages always seemed better than the current one. Since there's no way to go backwards, I want to run forward. People say your best friends are the ones you make when you were young. I trusted more. I worried less. I loved more. I gave more. I received more. I doubted less. I shared more. I made friends who were the world to me. We fought side-by-side. We cried. We laughed. We went through everything together. We shared one world. It was us against the rest of the world. The more grown up, the more all of this just sounds naive. There's something awfully lonely about growing up.

I'm too young for being old. Too old for being young. All I want is someone who'd go out with me right now to leave our mark. Where are all the people who are just like me?

Continued

Of course the pizza I said I ordered at the end of the last post would give me food poisoning. Caused me my whole friday and half of my saturday.

Man...this week is just on a roll.

Thank God I'm feeling much better now!  :)

Twenty-One

Don't want to be a bummer, but this was the worst birthday ever. Who would've known that my 21st would be the worst? Now, I've always had a bunch of homework, tests, and projects due on my birthday in general, in the past. So the paper and midterm on the day after my birthday only contributed a little to this horrible birthday.

Christine took a bite first =P

It's not completely awful though, I'll put the positive in front. My lovely FLOW sisters and brothers bought me a cake and sang happy birthday during CG! :D That was pretty awesome!

This birthday had a lot of potential to be a great one too. 21st, come on, I can legally drink! I had Thursday and Friday off so my old man planned on visiting me. Of course, none of that happened. I assumed my old man would be here by Thursday night, like the first time he visited me. He however, kept telling me that he can't come until probably Friday or Saturday because of his school. I was bummed for obvious reasons, so I said I'd go up instead since I'd be free by Wednesday night.

Once I was set on going up, my old man told me that he was going to surprise me by coming here with VD. Of course I felt awwww...thanks for wanting to surprise me! What my old man didn't know was that I'd rather spend  it with him alone. I feel like he should know by now, everytime he asks if we should invite other people to go with us somewhere, I'd say no. But then, what do I know, he obviously thought I'd rather him come with VD with a short amount of time. (They'd come saturday noon and leave sunday noon) The :( following the short 24 hour :) is not worth it. So I told them it's okay, we'll just celebrate when I go up during thanksgiving.

All the above, plus a thousand other misunderstandings and miscommunications and stupid emotions, led to my horrible birthday. I spent the actual day writing my paper and preparing for a midterm, which I completely failed. Thursday I woke up did nothing for a whole day and slept. Friday I woke up and got into a fight with my old man. Notice none of these involved spending it with a loved one or drinking.

Ever since my old man left for the first time in September, I don't let myself cry like I used to. I want to convince myself that I'm perfectly fine here. I used to cry because deep down I knew it was going to be okay in a couple of hours. Now, I fear that if I cried and started thinking about why I'm crying, there would be no end. I don't know when it'll be okay again.

It's not as bad as it sounds haha. I still enjoy being by myself a lot. Just ordered a pizza. I need to start writing another paper! Go Sherri!

Late Nights

There's something about late nights that makes me think. Think about my day, my relationships, my life, my past, my future, the world. For reasons unbeknown to me, these thinking sessions more often lead to sad feelings than they do happy feelings.

So last night, I was doing my late-night-thinking and as usual I was losing my breath. And I don't mean "Wow! That was amazing, it took my breath away!" I mean I was really losing my breath, as in my heart was pounding so hard and fast I couldn't catch my breath, I couldn't breathe. So I grabbed my jacket, said I'm going for a walk, and dashed out the door.

As soon as I stepped onto the sidewalk I started walking really really slow giving lots of time for me to figure myself out. Naturally I thought it had something to do with the songs and poems my old man wrote. So I thought about them harder. My breath normal, my heart beat same pace; so that mustn't be it. I thought about the stars. I thought about whether or not to put on my hood. I thought about the last time I walked around this neighborhood. I thought about how the cool breeze felt extremely good on my now cold legs. I thought about UCLA.

Imagined what it'd be like when I moved there. What kind of people I'd meet, what kind of things I'd be doing, what kind of friends I'd have. Then I thought of myself as of now, of how I think, how I act, how I dress. I realized how I haven't changed a bit; I'm still who I surround myself with. I talk like my friends do, I dress like them, I act the same way, I think the same thoughts as they do. Then I started to understand why I was out walking on the street instead of in my bed snoring. I feared my future friends. I feared how I will become just like my new friends, and what if they weren't good. I feared myself. I feared how I have everything to lose and I might just do exactly that.

In the quietness of the night, my head seemed especially loud. My UCLA train of thought hadn't even gotten to its station when it got interupted by the loud noise of another train pacing into my head. A train carrying presumptions that were proven wrong the next morning.

Dirt Road Anthem

Memory lane up in the headlights. It's got me reminiscing on the good times.

Should have kept them somewhere safe. I've got none. Ring lost. Shirt gone. Wretch deactivated. Phone broken. Laptop dead. They're all only in my head now.

Wish I had a room. Probably would have kept all my stuff in it, then I'd still be able to find them.

byebye FHDA

Two years went by so fast. I'd have to say, I enjoyed it very much. Hasn't really sunk in yet...the fact that I'll be leaving Bay area in 3 months. Been living in San Jose ever since I got here (almost 4 years ago). Now that I'm heading to LA, feeling a mixture of sadness, nostalgia, anxiousness and maybe a tiny hint of excitement, but mostly just sadness and nostalgia.

Playing back all the memories in the past two years...all the people I've passed by, exchanged glances, been in a group with, worked together, talked to and befriended. Been thinking maybe everyone else is right on this: should really keep in touch with all these lovely people that have once been a part of my life.

Don't know why it's different this time. Felt the same mixture of sadness, nostalgia, anxiousness and excitement, but for all the previous times, excitement took the biggest chunk. Maybe, I know myself a little better this time around. I know I probably won't be BFFs with them, I know I probably will lose touch with them, I know one of those nights I'll probably miss them so very very much but never find the courage to ask them out, I know after a long time I'll probably think to myself...dang it. Maybe, knowing all of this just makes it so much harder this time around.

us no more

Remember two posts ago I said "two more quarters to go and I'm already starting to miss them"? Well, turned out there was only one left...

At least the three of us finally got a picture together.

We planned to take physics 4D together with Marasco but it conflicted with math 22, we needed the math more. I still have math 22 to Jonathan and George and math 2B with Oscar. But there's no more us...Even Fors knew we were the trio and in our case, trio - 1 = nothing.

I know I've said this about a billion times now, but I honestly really liked us. Physics was so enjoyable with you guys. I know we have our differences, we get into a gazillion little fights and arguments. That doesn't matter though, at least in my opinion, we were awesome.

I know I said I don't keep in contact with my old friends and I forget them, but know that I will definitely miss you guys a lot. If after a while, we lose touch, understand that it's not because I've forgotten about you, it's because I'm not brave enough to overcome the awkwardness that's only in my head.

P.S. I've been watching Tangled over and over ever since I got it. It may very well be my favorite movie now!

10:52 pm

Noticed I have not posted a blog here for a long time. It's either because nothing has excited me enough to motivate me to write or it's because I've been a little more busy this quarter, for some kind of reason that is still unclear to me at the moment. I'm taking pretty much the exact same classes as last quarter. For some reason though, I'm so much busier this quarter.

I'd like to say that my life's been a whole jumbo mix of little messes, but I'd be lying. I've got nothing on my plate except for school lately.

I have always wanted a secret hide-out place where I could just be there, be still in solitude and no one would find me. I have got this place in mind for a long time, but I haven't been able to track it down until now. I think I have an idea where it might be. I shall go check it out soon. If it is as perfect as I had remembered it to be, it will probably become my hide-out place. Of course, it being a "secret" hide-out place, I can't reveal where it is located. So, sorry to myself in 50 years, when I read this but can't remember where it is, I won't be able to find the answer here.

On another note, Alpha's been good. I took him out of his tank for the first time to clean his tank. He seemed pretty pleased about his clean tank.

Sketch, Fish, and Stuff

This is dedicated to my two physics buddies. We make a good team, in terms of having fun with a not-so-fun topic. In terms of getting a good grade...not so much.

Oscar Suen--the sketch. Birthday: June 22nd 1991. Awesome guy. Easy going and loves to talk. He loves cars, but I don't know anything about cars, so I don't know anything about his passion for cars. All I know is, he loves them. He has the most interesting logic. Whenever we are in a conversation, one thing leads to another, and before we'd know it, we'd end up with a mutual agreement, a conclusion. But about three seconds after we'd reached our conclusion, we'd notice how amazingly sketchy our conclusion is. And after another 2 seconds, we'd agree to stick to our sketchy conclusion. Hence, he is the sketch in Team Sketchy. One other thing about Oscar that makes him the sketch is that he loves to sketch! He loves cars and loves to sketch, so naturally he'd be good at sketching cars. Go look in his physics notebook if you don't believe me. Oscar loves to talk. Bring anything up to him, and he'd use his sketchy logic to turn a 2-minute conversation into a 20-minute conversation. It's generally a very good quality, because it makes the topic at hand seem so much more interesting. But the bad thing about it is that our walk from class to Lot 4 is rarely long enough for us to reach a conclusion. And sketchy conclusions are fun. One last thing about Oscar, he loves God, has a huge heart for his peers, and loves to serve.

Jonathan Hui--the brain. Birthday: August 30th 1991. Another awesome guy. Mean, but deep down, is nice and generous. He is the brains of the group. Not only is he smart, he also works very hard, and studies. He's the go-to guy whenever we have physics problems. He's generally mean to me, and with him, every lab sucks out about 37.9 hours of life out of me. I'm pretty sure it sucks out life out of him too. But don't be mistaken, I enjoy labs with him. He makes sure we collect good data, makes sure we're doing things right, and makes sure we understand stuff, if we don't he'd yell at us until we do. I get on his nerves sometimes, but that's just what friends do, get on each other's nerves. I say that he's generally mean, but in truth, he's very very nice. He let me sit at the smart seat for the first midterm, of course he got to sit there for the rest of the quarter, but still. He helped me with C++ whenever I asked and whenever he could. He bought me my Alpha. Unlike most guys our age, he's oddly thoughtful and careful in choosing words to not hurt other people's feelings. I admire him for those qualities. Jonathan loves fish. He has a whole bunch of them. One betta and a bunch of other tiny fish and a few ghost shrimps. In my opinion, his fish aren't the best looking, but that's just me, he loves them. Speaking of which, he says I'm just like his dad, I guess his dad's pretty cool then. Anyways, underneath all the meaness, Johnathan is really genuine and nice.

I'm so lucky to have such great people to go through physics with. I thank God everyday (okay, maybe not everyday. but, definitely after every lab) for giving me such awesome buddies. We make a good team. Two more quarters to go and I'm already starting to miss them.

9'ers

My old man and I went to the 49'ers game yesterday. They played against St.Louis Rams.

As I mentioned earlier, I had wanted to get into sports more, because my old man was really into them. He's been a fan of the 9'ers ever since he came to USA, when the 9'ers were actually really good. So I bought the tickets as a gift for my old man for his birthday.

I had my eyes on two tickets vs. the Buccanears on ebay. They were really good seats, and for an incredible price, so incredible I almost thought it was a scam. When the bid ended, the highest bidder won by $1.15. I was the second highest. :( Thank God I wasn't the highest bidder though. Not only did I get Rams tickets for the same price, I got to know the seller, who turned out to be an awesome guy. Super nice, helpful, and generous; a true authentic 49er's fan. It was a real pleasure doing business with him.

On game day, my old man and I left at 11am planning to get there at 12pm and get in-n-out on the way. I was rambling along, as usual, while my old man was driving. Before we knew it, we had missed the in-n-out exit. So we set our new via point to Mc.D's on my GPS, which was the same exit as the Candlestick Park. Turned out we couldn't get to Mc.D's because all the roads were blocked for traffic control for the game.

With an empty stomach and full of exitement, we got into the park. The parking lots were already full with people tailgating. Eventually though, we got too hungry and gave in to the hot dogs in the stadium in 3rd quarter. The weather was perfect! Hot, but not too hot. The game was awesome with a  lead, behind, come back, tie, and then overtime. Our seats were simply great: Lower East Stand: Row 6, Seats 6 & 7. We got to exit through the field when the game ended, where we took this picture:

We had a great time at the game, and ended the wonderful day with a wonderful dinner at Olive Garden. We didn't know alot of the things to a NFL gameday, but we will for sure do better for the future games we go to.

*On a side note: My Betta has a name now--Alpha Chen*

Betta

Thank you, Jonathan Hui. You're so nice.

Beginning of October
Me: I want a fish for my birthday.
Jonathan: When's your birthday?
Me: It's coming up.
Jonathan: When is it?
Me: Nov. 8
Jonathan: How is that coming up? Remind me when it gets closer.

Got a new addition to my room today. I've been expecting it for a month now. To welcome it home, I cleaned up my whole room so that it'd like living here, and so that it'd actually have a place to live. My water heater was moved. Was actually expecting a fish bowl, but the purple fish tank is way better. My filtered water and cups had to make way. And my desk is now missing its desk light.

Planned on naming it Fishy, but after actually meeting it for the first time, I realized it's not a Fishy at all. Don't have a name for it yet, I'm sure it'll hit me soon though.

1/5 Century

It is my one-fifth century birthday. not a teenager anymore.

It's a very nice birthday this year. I've celebrated twice so far, and I'm expecting twice more. :) 1st: at the Halloween costume party with 4 other birthdays. 2nd: at Vita/Darren's with hotpot, black forest cake and 三國殺. 

And, speaking of Vita/Darren, they just got married last Friday! I skipped part of my friday physics class for it. It was definitely worth it. According to my classmates, someone complained about the online homework for 3/4 of the class, and they looked at some waves for the 15 minutes left. I'm glad I missed it. 

It was definitely a birthday week for me. Thursday night, my old man and I went to Walmart to get a king-sized purple case for my king-sized pillow (from Jessica) that's been living in a twin-sized pillow case until now. Then we watched 1/4 of Lord of the Rings 3 (we'll finish it when our eyes aren't half-closed). I was so excited for the new pillow case that the first thing I did when I got home was laundry.

Went to Joshua on friday night for most of the other Calebians were at the Warriors/Jazz game. We talked about: don't steal. What I learned: part of what stealing means is not giving someone else what is rightfully his/hers, which can apply to so many things that I've never thought of as stealing before. Stealing the truth from others, aka. lying. Stealing from God, aka. not tithing. I enjoyed the samll group very much.

Saturday was Albert Liu and Vicky's wedding. It was in Sacramento, so my old man, Yi and I took a one-day road trip. We left at 9 in the morning. Of course, the wedding wasn't in the morning, but we wanted to get there in time for the opening of a Japanese seafood buffet. Man, it was exactly what I've been craving for for the longest time. Yi's a pretty cool guy. The wedding was really pretty, the food was awesome--shrimp and scallop, and prime rib. Vicky was gorgeous. and so was Emily. It was an absolutely enjoyable day, partly because the wedding was nice, and partly because Emily was there, but mostly because I got to spend some time with my old man's friends: Yi Luo, David, and Alex Huang. Thanks be to God for the ending of daylight savings to be on Sunday. One more hour of sleep after our late return from Sacramento.

For my birthday, Sherry gave me a set of lip balm and exfoliator, my mom gave me Aloa (she gave it to me last year, but it counts as a present for all the special days for the rest of my life) and she also bought me a cake, she also offered me a new phone but I declined because don't think I need it, and my old man gave me a new comforter and case. My bed just got a makeover with the new king-sized pillow case and my awesome new comforter. It looks much more mature with the darker purple--very suitable with my new age!

Thanks to all my lovely friends and family for sharing the 20 years I've had so far on this planet. Praise the Lord for breathing into me 20 years ago on this day. Pray that God bless me and use me in my 21st year of life all the more.   

Halloween

So, Halloween has passed and the Giants didn't win on Halloween day. But it's alright, that means we'll get to watch more of those wonderful games.

Strike?

Nope!

The costume party was pretty fun. Caleb/Genesis made our costumes the day before. We wanted to have the theme of Lord of the Rings. But we didn't know which characters to be, and we wanted easier costumes. Thankfully, Johnson thought of the perfect theme--easy and funny.

As motivation, I bought two bags of chips and a bag  of skittles, Vita  bought a bag of chocolates, and Raymond provided us with iced tea. So we took a couple of hours to make costumes for 12 people. It was tiring, but I still enjoyed it. And though we only wore the costumes for about 10 mins on saturday, it was worth it. Special thanks to Charles Lin for being our bowler and Ryan for being our ball.

Some other costumes were Joshua: sushi and Galilee/Jordan: sheep and shepherd, Angela Ha and John: Taylor Swift and West. They were all great costumes, ours was the best though (subjectively, of course).

The food was awesome! My favorite: Don's fried chicken. The five of us scorpions got to enjoy the best cake ever! Fanny's mom made us two green tea and red bean cakes. They were the bomb. If you ever want legit awesome chinese food or dessert, Fanny's mom's got them.

Don't doubt. I'm naturally tall like that.

Giants

Been getting into some sports lately. Mostly because my old man (as Sabria calls him) is really into them; I'd like to know every aspect of his life. And partly because the SF Giants are just AWESOME!

My old man was telling me how baseball is very slow paced and can be super nerve racking at times. I didn't quite understand it until the bottom of the 9th ending at the 6th game of the NCLS championship the past saturday. Every second from Wilson getting ready to the actual pitch was like a gazillion minutes, and at least a million minutes from when the ball left his hand to Posey catching it. Waiting for those gazillion minutes was worth it in the end. I asked my old man "I wonder how many people from church was watching the game?". He said "everyone, probably".

He was proven right at church the next day. Kevin wore his SF cap, even Kang watched the game, I can't manage to walk around without seeing a SF shirt or cap every 30 seconds, and Wolf: "Philadelphia has Philly cheese steak, we have the World Series! Go Giants!" Black and orange--perfect colors. especially at this time of the year. Let's have faith for the 1st game on wednesday.

I've got to admit, sports is kind of fun.

Another chance.

I've probably tried this 10 times already. So far, haven't been successful at all. Well, technically I've only tried journaling, so this is the first, I guess. Writing blogs isn't easy, but keeping it updated is probably even harder. I'm going to give it a try anyways...so here goes!

It's the end of October of 2010. Many things to look forward to, and many things to dread.For one, there are 5 birthdays among my close friends in the upcoming two weeks (this is the exciting part). And then there's Halloween. It's not so much the actual Halloween that's exciting. Afterall, though I wish I do, I don't have my little cousin Angus as an excuse to go trick-or-treating anymore. It's more of the excitement in people that excites me as well. It's my neighbor's spider web, pumpkins and skeleton decorations, it's the signs that says "HALLOWEEN COSTUMES" at Diddams, and the moms buying bags and bags of chocolate at Target. Enough about Halloween.

Months of October and November have a very particular meaning to some particular people--UC applicants. Remember thinking "Man, wouldn't it suck to do this all over again?" two years ago, and here I am once again. Two years ago I finished my application over this one night. This time, how should I do it? All nighter again?

Onward to birthdays. My is also coming up in two weeks. I used to not be a birthday person growing up, my family didn't really do the whole birthday thing. Of course, we'd still get a cake and sing happy birthday, but that's about it.The Lins are huge birthday people, and everyone's birthday was so fun that it was exciting for everyone, not just the birthday boy/girl. On my birthdays, everything was about me. I got presents, I got to decide on things, and heck it was just my freaking day. I became a birthday person, and there was no turning back. People around me aren't as big birthday people as I'd like them to be now, so it got me thinking...

Why celebrate birthdays? It is the day that I was born, it is also the day that my mom labored to bring me into the world. So...celebrate mom then? Now that I've thought about it, I know my answer: It's the day God created me and breathed a breath into me. I'm sure God and the angels celebrate God's creation too. So yeah I am going to keep celebrating your birthdays because, man am I glad God made you on that day so that you can be in my life now. And my birthdays, because I was fearfully and wonderfully made on that day.

The End

This is the last blog here. It has been a great experience blogging, because afterall, it is my first time! The end of Persepolis seemed like it left me hanging. It left me thinking about it. Someone once said that a true great movie is one that makes you think about it afterwards. I think the same goes with a novel, a really great one just leaves you thinking about it. Marjane ended the novel saying it would have been better to just go, with a graphic of her mom lying in her dad's arms. I couldn't really understand what she was saying. It felt like she left me hanging there. Though I couldn't understand what she was trying to say, I definitely felt what she wanted the readers to feel. A feeling of losing something forever, a feeling of never being able to turn back, a very upsetting feeling. Because Marjane ended the novel this way, and left me feeling so upset, I couldn't help but to think about it afterwards. I wanted to know what happened next, I didn't want the book to end there. I wanted to know what really happened to her mom, and what happened to the war. I desperately wanted to know that afterwards, everything turned out fine, because if it didn't it would be too hard to accept, it would be too dreadful. Of course, that would lead me to wanting to read Persepolis 2. But then would reading Persepolis 2 be better? Or is it better to just end there? Maybe leaving me hanging there is what Marjane is trying to do with her ending. Maybe knowing what truly happened afterwards wouldn't be true to the story. Maybe it's like a war story, in order to portray the true meaning of the story, sometimes the truth isn't even important.

Absolute Evil

After Sky's presentation and the song "Dear Mr. President", I started to think about something. We are always complaining about our presidents. Doesn't even matter who it is, every president has been hated by parts of the population. We seem to put the blame of anything and everything on our presidents. We describe them as awful people, we see them as a criminal, putting everyone one's life in danger, we hate them. We have so much to say, get so emotional, so upset and mad at our presidents when we hear of decisions they make in the news. When the news broadcasts criminals actually murdering people, all we do is say to our kids "don't walk alone at night". What is the psychology behind this? Why do we blame our presidents for everything bad that happens in the country? We say of them as if they were pure evil, they don't care about anyone else put themselves, and they simply don't care about people dying. But is anyone pure evil? Can anyone really say that he or she has no feelings when he or she sees someone die? Does anyone care about nothing but him or herself? Does anyone like to see homeless people? Does anyone like to see soldiers die? Is anyone just pure evil? Or is it just us wanting to blame someone, anyone, for the things that are just too awful to accept? Do we blame someone in order for awful things to be bearable? I can never imagine someone to be pure evil. We are all human, how can anyone be just completely evil? People can choose to deny themselves and pretend to be completely emotionless, to be completely ignorant, to be completely evil. People can be too prideful to admit that they have feelings too. But can anyone truely be emotionless or ignorant? Can anyone be pure evil?